Homework: Write a story (all by yourself) about a collaboration which goes horribly, horribly wrong.

**Yes, I am breaking the rules again and collaborating with robots to tell my story when I was told to do it all by myself **

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Affidavit of Susan Elaine Whittier

State of Vermont
City of Essex Junction
Dated this 4th day of September, 2025

I, Susan Elaine Whittier, of the City of Essex Junction, State of Vermont, business proprietor and graphic label designer, DO SOLEMNLY AFFIRM AND DECLARE AS FOLLOWS:

1. Background

1.1 I am of sound mind, competent, and capable of making this affidavit freely and voluntarily.

1.2 I am the sole proprietor of Whittier Label & Print Co., a small business engaged in the design and printing of labels for commercial and artisan food products. I have operated this business for seven years without prior incident of supernatural interferences.

2. Initial Engagement and Collaboration Process with Broth of Ages Ltd.

2.1 On June 29th, 2025, I was contacted via email by Gregory [no surname provided], who identified himself as the “Brand Alchemist” for a new culinary venture, Broth of Ages Ltd. His email read:

“Dear Miss Elaine, Keeper of the Surfaces,
I hope this finds you well and largely untroubled by the usual confusions of daily life. I come with a humble request, which may sound peculiar: we possess a broth, but it is not merely a broth. It is, one might say, a broth that carries the weight of very old whispers, and possibly the sort of whispers that should not be shouted too loudly.
Would you, with your admirable talents, help the broth to speak upon paper? I enclose both payment and a small gift, which I believe aligns with… well, with the essence of the endeavor. If that makes sense, though perhaps it need not.
Most respectfully and with curious anticipation,
Gregory, Brand Alchemist”

2.2 Payment for the full order was provided in advance via cash in an envelope (Exhibit A, with receipt) delivered by a courier. The same delivery included a sealed glass jar containing a red, faintly luminous liquid (Exhibit B), which Gregory described as “a gift, for alignment.”

2.3 Gregory and I held two virtual meetings to refine the design. In both meetings, he refused to turn on his camera, explaining:

“The broth must remain unseen until its proper introduction. Cameras are rather like spoons; they stir, and stir too soon, and may splatter insight where it is not yet wanted.”

2.4 His feedback was often whimsical and indirect:

When shown a rustic serif typeface, he remarked: “Ah, these letters are rather young for the broth. Perhaps they might take a walk through time before meeting our audience.”
He requested that the border be “a circle that does not quite remember where it began.”
He rejected one draft outright: “Symmetry… symmetries are suspicious, and the broth will not tolerate suspicion.”

2.5 We settled on a muted brown palette, hand-drawn ladle iconography, and weathered serif text reading:

Broth of Ages: Original Ancestral Recipe

Gregory approved this final version without changes.

2.6 The print run for 3,000 Matte Kraft 5×7 labels was completed on July 12th, 2025, and delivered to the address provided by Gregory.

2.7 Attached is a sample:

3. Disruptive Naming Disputes

3.1 The original label was titled Broth of Ages: Original Ancestral Recipe, in accordance with Gregory’s explicit instructions, and seen on the previous page.

3.2 Over the following weeks, I began receiving conflicting naming directives from other individuals claiming affiliation with Broth of Ages Ltd. These communications arrived through one-way channels, making it impossible to reply or verify authority:

Emails from “The Steward” requesting the label be changed to Broth of Becoming (Exhibit C). Immediately after reading any of these emails, my computer becomes inaccessible and unreadable for five hours.

Text messages from an unknown number arriving always at 3:33 a.m., signed “Caretaker of the Vessel,” suggesting Remembrance Stew (Exhibit D).

A handwritten fax from “The Archivist” insisting the label bear no name at all, citing “semantic instability” (Exhibit E). Another one stated, DO NOT NAME THE SOUP.

Daily unsolicited print jobs from my disconnected label printer, each sheet reading only: IT IS NOT YOURS TO NAME. (Exhibit F).

3.3 None of these parties offered proof of authority or attempted explanation for their dispute.

3.4 When I sought clarification from Gregory, he replied only: “The soup has already named itself. Disregard all others.”

4. Suspected Effects of the Gifted Substance

4.1 After the jar’s arrival, I began experiencing repeated technological disturbances:

My label printer regularly prints sheets covered in archaic alphabets, some of which appear to be mirrored or written backward (Exhibit G).

All kitchen appliances reset daily at exactly 12:00am and 12:00pm to “Year 0001”.

My tablet refused to open any design files containing the word “soup,” rendering me unable to complete projects for three other clients (Healthy Organics Everyday, JJ's Family Soup, and Taste of Vermont).

My Alexa device says, without prompt, several times a day: “Please confirm your purchase of 42 jars of soup from Broth of Ages.”

My desktop wallpaper changed on its own to a high-resolution image of a simmering pot, steam spelling out indecipherable words.

The GPS in my car repeatedly rerouted me toward an unmarked rural location 42 miles away, regardless of my intended destination.

The customers I meet with via webcam, complain that my stream is replaced with an empty cauldron sitting in the middle of a stone room and a wooden ladle on the floor. Nothing else. When verified this was happening with a friend, he sent me a screenshot as proof (Exhibit H).

4.2 These disturbances ceased only when the jar was placed outside the building, resuming within one hour of bringing it back indoors. Yes, I'm certain that the jar is affecting the GPS as well. I am not crazy.

4.3 The jar won't let me leave it outside.

5. Continued Harassment and Professional Impact

5.1 Despite fulfilling my original contract with Gregory, I continue to receive intermittent, unsolicited communications, often during nighttime hours, in tones ranging from cryptic to vaguely threatening:

An email from “Silence Under the Ladle” reading only: “The name you chose has bound us. We will all face the consequences now." (Exhibit I).

Several voicemails consisting of the same, electronic song. Lovely music, but I'm not sure of the purpose. It feels like it's carrying the weight of a very heavy message that can't be perceived. (Exhibit J).

A letter delivered with no return address containing a concerning sample of a substance in the middle. It smells like soup. (Exhibit K).

5.2 These events have caused substantial professional harm, including but not limited to:

Loss of three long-term clients due to project delays and corrupted files.

Physical damage to printing equipment requiring costly repairs.

Necessity of implementing non-digital design workflows, tripling production time.

Emotional distress and persistent sleep disruption caused by 3:33 a.m. text messages.

A noticeable decline in local business referrals after rumors of “the broth curse” began circulating among vendors.

6. Purpose of This Affidavit

6.1 I submit this affidavit for the purposes of documentation, professional boundary-setting, and in the event further action becomes necessary, legal or otherwise.